The Year 2009: Taking Stock

Again i ask, where did the year 2009 go??? I called this post taking stock because I've decided to evaluate various aspects of my life in the year 2009, whether good or bad. I stopped making make New year resolutions a long time ago, if anything what i do best is not stick to these resolutions, also why wait for a new year before making resolutions, I'm just saying, anyway I've decided no more new year resolutions for me. Here goes my report for 2009:

Faith:
This year my relationship with God has been Non-existent, i can count the number of times i actually prayed. During the year, i found myself questioning my faith, yes i do believe in God, i believe there is a supreme being, however this nagging feeling has always been at the back of my mind, this feeling that i was being forced into a certain religion, this feeling that but for the fact that i was born into Islam, i won't be practicing Islam. I totally stopped saying my salat(5 daily prayers), i didn't observe this year's Ramadan(fasting), My Quran remained unopened. I needed answers, i needed to take out time to study religion, then decide what exactly it is i was doing, i still haven't found the answers. This is not me renouncing my faith, by birth i still remain Muslim, I'm just at the stage in my life where i need to know the exact reason why I'm practicing a particular religion.


Family:
This year was no different from other years as regards my relationship with my family, only i noticed my dad was less controlling and actually sought my advice as opposed to making decisions and letting me know about it later.

Friendship:
As usual i gained some, lost some and rekindled old friendships. Now i know who my friends really are, I've cut out the unnecessary ones from my life and the ones that are left, i can actually count them with my fingers . At this point in my life i don't need friends who cannot tell me the truth or who can't handle being told the truth. No much drama as regards friendship this year and for that I'm very grateful.

Finances:
This was one major problem i had this year, managing my finances was a herculean task for me. This is largely due to my spending habits. I was always overdrawn, always having one issue or the other with the bank, my allowance was never enough, my phone bill was always out of this world. I'm not proud of the fact that I'm going to be entering the year 2010 with debt. One thing that's for certain is that, as soon as i pay off my existing debt there would be no more credit whatsoever for me, credit cards, store cards and the likes are out of it. Having no source of income plus acquiring credit can only lead to one thing...DEBT.

Education/Career path:
This year my grades were not exactly fantastic, i realise i didn't put in as much effort as i should have. All i did was study so i could 'pass'. As regards my career path, Ive had issues with that this year too, i went from not knowing if law was the right course for me to deciding that it just might be the right career path for me. I've not yet made up my mind about what I'm getting a masters degree in, but I'm sure i want it to be people based. I'm very sure about the fact that i do want to go to law school, however the question is where do i want to go to law school? Nigeria or here in England? Year 2010 would tell.

Relationship:
Another drama filled area this year. This year as much as i hate to admit it has shown that i still have a lot of growing up to do if i intend to do the whole long term commitment thing. I've been heartbroken this year, a lot of things have happened. I've been in love, I'm still in love, I've been hurt, I've given out something that can never be gotten back, I've been asked for forgiveness, I've forgiven. All in all I thank God, I'm still alive, even though undecided, but as always time would tell.

Physical Health/General Well being
No major illness, overall good health. I've gained weight, lost weight and gained weight again. The cycle continues. I can count the number of times I've been to the gym this year on one hand. I've taken the fact that I'm healthy for granted. I don't eat healthy, my sleeping pattern is messed up, my body functions the other way round, sleeping during the day, staying awake at night. All through this i was affected minimally and for that i thank God. Although i must admit that this year also, i made a conscious effort to take better care of my skin and hair, i cut my hair and decided to grow it naturally, no more artificial products on my hair and skin, simply natural products Ala Shea butter, coconut oil and the likes. I'm still on that challenge and i can see results already. Also this year i started drinking more water and i can proudly say that water is my most favourite drink in the world.

Addictions/Bad Habits/Social life:
This year my major distraction has been the Internet, from Skype to Twitter to YouTube to BBM to Facebook and the rest. I cut down on partying and clubbing and for that I'm very grateful. Another distraction has been sleep, oh yes i love to sleep and i sleep a lot. Most times i miss my morning classes because I'm still asleep, this is an indirect effect of staying up late. Chewing gum is another bad habit, i still haven't been to the dentist for fear of what I'm going to discover. Laziness, procrastination and leaving things to the last minute are other bad habits i have.

General:
All in all I thank God I'm still alive, this year I've grown as a person, i can feel it, i know it. I'm not perfect, i keep saying that, but i do know that I'm happy being me, i thank God for i do not have low esteem, neither am i afraid to ask questions or speak out when things are not being done the right way. A lot of people say that I'm too blunt, I do admit that i could be a tad bit insensitive in my attempt to be honest and I'm working on that. I also know that i could be very rude and i tend to take certain things for granted. When there is life there is hope and i thank God for the gift of life. I hope 2010 would be a better year for me and for everyone else.

PS: I urge everyone to do this, either on your blog or in private, it does have a therapeutic effect.

What Blogging has done for me

I had a really bad day today and for that reason only i was willing to reopen my blog, i was going to come on here to moan. I felt bad that the only reason i wanted to reopen my blog was to come on here to complain about my bad day. Now i've changed my mind, how about i list out all the things i've learnt from blogging, all the wonderful people i've met on here.
I look at my old posts and i realise that my writing has gotten a lot better, heck i used to write in SMS Language when i first started blogging, its funny because i don't consider myself a writer, i'm no writer like Myne Whitman or Fabulola. I started blogging because i wanted a place to air my thoughts no matter how stupid, and blogsville welcomed me with open arms, yes i'm that opinionated 20 year old that thinks she has life all figured out, i'm that 20 year old that still has a lot of growing up to do and for that reason i need my blog, i want to look back someday and laugh at some of the things i wrote.
Blogging has given me the opportunity of meeting all these wonderful people, where do i start?
My twinnie Tinu, she's become a dear friend, lolia whose last 3 months in London has given me the opportunity to know her better, or is it Robby, the goof ball that he is whom i can talk to about anything, Naijababe my muslim sister, Miss Flyhigh who by a stroke of fate happens to go to my uni, Miss Natural who is such a sweetheart, Dante bless him, Scribblemefree and Naijabadboi whom i've learnt a lot from, Bob_Ij with her fabulous dress sense, Miss Lore who's always happy, My spoilt 2nd twinnie/lilsister Mz Eniola. Now these are the ones i've met in person(well with the exception of Tinu and Mz Eniola but it feels like i actually have.)

And for those i've not met but i talk to on a regular basis, Fabulola, Temite,Bumight,Funmsdrebirth, my godson Azazel, my smallies Bubbles, LadyX and cereberallybusy who have shown me that they are not your average teenagers, Sugarkingg, Miss Fab who also by a stroke of fate happened to go to my secondary school, Ms O, Verastic, Yinkuslolo, Penelope, Taymee, Blogoratti, Moyossie, Blogoratti, Cereberus, Chari, Bonnie etc

The bloggers i don't talk to but read their blogs on a daily basis Nice Anon, Original Mgbeke, Sugabelly(we disagree 80% of the time but i do give it to her that she's one intelligent young lady), Undercover_o7, Gee, CultureCynic, Sting, Leggy(even though she can be a dram queen sometimes), Tigeress, GNG,Solomonsydelle, Rene, Neefemi, Tunrayo, Taymee, Chayoma, BSNC, BBB e.t.c, i could go on and on with the names.

My friends whom i've known even before they started blogging Pwettybambi, Burramint, Miss KOA and Ttlolla.

9 months ago, these names meant nothing to me, now i can't imagine not knowing them or not knowing about the blogs that all these wonderful people own. It wasn't my intention to go private on you guys(i believe i owe an explanation to the people that noticed) It won't be happening again, i needed the time to make up my mind, i can't believe i considered closing it altogether, clearly i'm not anonymous, almost everybody knows what i look like, more people i know in real life than i ever imagined read my blog, my ex boyfriend reads my blog, how more public could this blog get? Anything i write on here i'm not ashamed of. And as for you spreading rumours about me and saying you got it off my blog, more power to your elbow. Thats the most attention you're ever going to get from me on this blog.
I need this blog, when i do decide i've had enough of blogging, its not going to be because somebody made me do it, its going to be because I SAID SO.

20 things i wish i understood before i turned 20

Christiana did a similar post on her blog and i thought i would go ahead and share with you guys, the things i wish i knew, maybe just maybe i would have done things differently.
SO HERE GOES:
1)When i was growing up, my daddy used to tell me i was the best damn thing, i grew up believing that. This did wonders for my self esteem but it also made me believe that whenever i wanted something the whole world would stop for me. *Snaps fingers* Welcome to the real world sissy, the world ain't gonna pause for you, if you died tomorrow life would continue, you're not that important get that.

2)The best years of your life is your childhood. I wish i knew this earlier, then maybe i won't have been in such a hurry to start wearing make up, driving, wearing a bra etc. Maybe i would have enjoyed my childhood more instead of trying to get into clubs at 13.

3)I wish i knew not to get any sort of credit without getting a real job. I'm still paying some of my credit off and my parents would kill me if they ever found out. I still don't have a job but at least i'm more careful about receiving credit cards and the likes when being offered to me.

4)20 Friends cannot play together for 20 years. Maybe if i had known this earlier i wouldn't have wasted my time chasing friendships that were no longer there. Do you guys sometimes feel like you're the one doing the most work in a friendship, that you're the one always trying to reach out to the other party, always doing the calling/texting/emailing??

5)Sometimes second chances are indeed worth it,sometimes a break up does more good to a relationship than harm. Sometimes that break up might be what you need to realise that you cannot not be with that person. It gives you time away from the pressure of a relationship to figure out what you both want.

6)Cheating does not necessarily have to be physical, and emotional cheating can be worse than physical cheating.

7)Sometimes ignorance is bliss and what you don't know won't hurt you.

8)Sex is overrated

9)Cheap does not always equal inferior and expensive does not always equal quality.

10)Comfort before beauty, its not worth buying uncomfortable shoes just because they look pretty, ditto clothes. If it doesn't feel right in the fitting room then there's no point buying it because you would wear it once and never wear it again.

11)The perfect man does not exist and waiting for the perfect man is like waiting for rain to fall in a desert.

12)Always ask questions and question the answers. Have an opinion, don't go through life sitting on the fence.Now most people think i'm too opinionated and that i ask too many questions, all i can say is that i'd rather be thought of as that than someone who never has an opinion

13)There's a difference between fashion and style. Fashion is what looks good at the moment. Style is what fits you forever.

14)Not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to agree with you, don't waste you time trying to be a people pleaser.

15)Sometimes its okay to say NO, don't go out of your way to help others at your own detriment.

16)Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time,it can lead to two things, its either you become vain or you become bitter because there would always be someone who is better or worse off than you.

17)Some things are better left unsaid.

18There's no point serving God because you were forced to,serve God because you want to, find you own pace and work with that pace, in due time you would find God. God is patient and he'll always be waiting for you.

19)A lot of things most religions preach are simply morals, do not steal, kill, lie etc. Live your life according to these morals and you would have a peaceful life.

20)Sometimes you have to get rid of sentiments in order to make some important decisions. Definition of sentiments ''A thought, view, or attitude, especially one based mainly on emotion instead of reason''

PS: I'm still learning, i'm far from perfect. I'm 20 now, I'm sure in the next 10 years i would have more things to add to this list.

Life is not a final. It's daily pop quizzes. ~Author Unknown

Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process - Anne Wilson Schaef

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. ~Lillian Dickson

To live remains an art which everyone must learn, and which no one can teach. ~Havelock Ellis

Immigration Matters

I've been watching this program called 'UK Border Force' and its times like this that I'm ashamed of being Nigerian. Like seriously has it gotten to this point? Is it now so bad that Nigerians are willing to be mocked and ridiculed as long as they get to leave the country? This is just plain ridiculous, take a look at this guy here, he's claiming to be 16, The hell?? My friends find this program funny, I don't. Its not funny that Lagos was described as the number one fraud city, i don't find it funny that these illiterates from Nigeria keep disgracing us everywhere they go. I'm clearly upset hence this write up, theres nothing wrong with travelling abroad if you think you have a reason to do so, in terms of either studying to develop yourself or even working abroad to gain some exposure which may be lacking at home. What i have a problem with is the fact that a lot of Nigerians are prepared to sacrifice anything, including their dignity, comfort and personal safety in their quest for it. Whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well, if they are going to forge documents then they might as well do it well, or better still they might as well sit their butts down in Nigeria, don't they realise how ridiculous they look? Why are they so desperate to go to other countries? I read somewhere that Nigerians are being deported from Libya, Libya of all countries, clearly Nigeria is ten times better than Libya in terms of living conditions, but the average Nigerian's mentality is that anywhere but our beloved Nigeria is better.
This is not about patriotism, Nigeria has its issues and i know that, I'm not happy about it either, my dad is a politician and when we have discussions i tell him that our leaders need to do something about our nation, whether or not he chooses to listen to me is not the issue and i clearly hate it when people curse the children of Nigerian leaders, i mean these children are innocent and are they now supposed to suffer because of the sins of their fathers, but thats not even the issue here. The issue is that is it worth all the stress? I still maintain that most of these illegal immigrants would have been living better lives if they were in Nigeria. Whats the point of working 5 jobs, whats the point of constantly hiding when you see anything in uniform, whats the point of being stuck in another man's land?? Is it worth it? Washing toilets, cleaning up dead bodies, something they would clearly never do if they were in Nigeria. I live in London, a city with one of the highest numbers of Nigerian immigrants, i see how these people live, i see the way they work their butts off each and everyday. I know not everybody has it easy, i understand that most of them believe they have better opportunities abroad, but majority of them are not willing to give Nigeria a chance, they believe that nothing good can come out of the country and they would rather play hide and seek with the immigration officials than go back home. Everyday people complain that immigration policies are getting stricter, removing all sentiments i do not blame them one bit. If i were British i would be angry at the way these immigrants flock to the UK on a daily basis. This same immigrants would have their children and of course tax payers money goes into raising these kids, but that's another issue for another day.
I sincerely believe that Nigeria is not that bad and that it is possible to live a comfortable life there. I've even gotten funny questions from people asking me why i would rather return to Nigeria after my masters than continue to live here. I don't belong here, it is not my home, that's always my reply. It disheartens me that every lowly job here is being done by Nigerians, cab drivers, security guards, ticket officers, cleaners, you name it. Yes somebody has to do it, but does it have to be Nigerians, yes a job is a job, that response would have been appropriate if they were doing these jobs out of their own free will, clearly they have no choice and that is why they do these kinds of jobs, their immigration status would not permit them to do anything better. Sometimes i wonder why its okay to be a cleaner in another country but its not okay to be a cleaner in Nigeria, obviously the argument of better pay is going to come up and i'm aware of that factor, but I'm not willing to go into that tonight,its past midnight and i need to go to bed *yawns*. All in all is the suffering and smiling worth it? Clearly i don't think it is. Over to you guys, what say you??

On men asking women for money.

Okay I'm going to narrate my story and then write my opinion on this issue. There's this guy I'm sort of talking to, as at last night he was still in the 'observation stage' but his latest antics has crossed him off my list forever and ever AMEN.
I met this dude sometime last year, then i was still with my now ex but somehow we remained friends, although i knew he liked me but there was no way i was going to get with him seeing as i was in a relationship. After my break up, i started considering him. My mum even knows about him, she knew about our friendship and even encouraged it seeing as he was Muslim and i hardly have any male Muslim friends. Anyway late last year, he had to go back to Nigeria for his NYSC. We still kept in touch, and when i went to Nigeria he was a regular caller at my house, my then boo was not happy about it and even threw a fit one day like that because i forgot my wallet in his car. Long and short of the story is that, this dude is back in jand. He called me yesterday and we were gisting, next thing i know this guy is asking me for money, saying stuff about how he is short on cash and bla bla bla. Hold on Nigga, I'm not even your girlfriend and you're already asking for money, haven't you got any shame, what the fuck is that?? Nobody has the right to behave like that, even if it was the other way round and i was the guy and he was the babe, that behaviour is all sorts of wrong. Its simply out of order.
Anyway after that i suddenly recalled a conversation i had with a mutual friend of ours, she told me that he was an opportunist but i didn't pay attention to her, everything suddenly made sense, the fact that he was always calling and texting my mum, the fact that my mum was saying stuff about talking to someone on his behalf regarding job hook ups, the fact that he asked me to talk to my uncle in Qatar regarding getting a job in the oil and gas sector, the fact that one time like that he called me and asked me to please pay some money into his jand account because he had some charges due on the account, i willingly did that because i thought he was genuinely in a fix and i was even happy that he saw me as the kind of friend he could come to in his times of need. Everything suddenly made sense, this is somebody that i was calling boyfriend material, this is someone that was talking about us getting married. Get married so you can lay your filthy hands on my money abi?? Gosh I'm so angry. Where do these kinds of men come from. I don't give men money, never have and never will, now its different if he was my man and he was in a serious situation,I will definitely help him out then, any other thing then I'm sorry. This is the same person that wanted me to go to dinner with him this Friday, na so we go reach the restaurant his card go come bounce and I'll end up having to pay for dinner....hisssss.
I don't respect men who ask women for money.I was raised in a family of hard-working,responsible and generous men who upheld their roles as men, anything less is unacceptable. I don't ask men for money or gifts either, if they give me out of their own freewill then fine, but you won't catch me laying down my problems at any man's feet, well except my father..lol, both men and women need to develop self-esteem and not be beggars in life.
Over to you guys, what do you guys think? Is it okay for men to ask their women for money? when is it okay and when isn't it?

PS: Just to be clear due to the comments, he did not ask me to lend him money, he asked me to GIVE him money, give as in DASH (i know that word is inappropraite but as per Naija English..lol) him money.

Random here i come

My God where did the year 2009 go?? Happy New Month people.
This is a mega random post. Be warned...lol

ON HIGHLY DEFENSIVE PEOPLE
Her: Juiceegal how does this dress look on me?? Me: Well i think u should get a size 12 instead of a 10. Her: What? Are you trying to say i'm fat?? Me: Pheeew not again.
Don't you just hate highly defensive people? People that can't take the slightest form of criticism, people that ask for your honest opinion but when you give it to them they flip. Honestly why get your knickers into a bunch everytime someone tries to correct you. I've since come to the conclusion that people don't like to hear the truth, so lets keep lying to each other then.

ON AGE AND MATURITY
Is it me or is being young the new excuse for acting stupid. ''She's just 18/19/20/21 or whatever'' So what??? Please abeg spare me, if at age 18 you're acting stupid and daft then God help us. The people that made the legal age 18 knew what they were doing when they made 18 the beginning of adulthood. Back in the day people got married at 18 and had a family by 20, so i don't get it when a 21 year old would sit somewhere and be saying ''i'm still young'', young ko young ni. Please get it together and stop blaming your stupid actions on your age.


ON ARROGANCE AND CONFIDENCE
''Some call it arrogance, i call it confidence'' Ermm please spare me...i blame Beyonce for the invention of that phrase, now everyone and their momma is using that line. Please there is a huge difference between arrogance and confidence, don't get it twisted abeg.

ON MY ADDICTIONS

'The term "addiction" is used in many contexts to describe an obsession, compulsion...'
In order of importance:
MIRRORS: I absolutely cannot live without mirrors, when i have my own house, every freaking room is gonna have mirrors, and when i say mirrors i mean huge ass mirors, instead of walls i'm going to have mirrors. I'm going to have mirrors installed unto my bedroom ceiling(I know you know why...lol). The other day my friend broke my full length mirror and i was so upset. It was too late to go buy another one, the next day as early as possible i went to the shopping centre to buy a new one. Yes i know i'm obsessed.

CHEWING GUM: This one i can't live without. I buy them in packs, you know how people include sanitary towels in their shopping list, i include chewing gum as well. Yes its that important. I fidget a lot, so i need something aka chewing gum to keep me busy, plus i can't stand stinking breath so i make sure mine smells as fresh as possible.

TAKING PICTURES: I have a picture for every single day of my life.(okay thats an exaggeration...hehehe)I love to take pictures, and NO my facebook page does not suffer fom this addiction, i take pictures for taking sake and not because of facebook.

INTERNET: I'm becoming slowly but surely anti-social these days, my dependence on the internet is alarming. The fact that i recently accquired a blackberry is further worsening the situation.

LAUGHING: I Know, who is addicted to laughing right?? Well i am, i love to laugh and i laugh for absolutely no reason, i've been told my laughter is infectious..oh well *shrugs*

A CERTAIN SOMEBODY: Somehow no matter how much i try to get my mind off him, i just can't. My twitter page has suffered the most from this addiction. Yes i'm addicted to him and i'm ashamed of myself.

Well thats about it, hopefully i'm not missing anything out.
PS: Somehow i'm no longer anonymous, in between meeting so many bloggers and putting various pictures up on twitter, i've managed to loose my anonymity :(

PPS:How could i forget the fact that i BC'd a couple of days ago...Thank you jare burramint. My hair is gone, yes i chopped it all off, it seems to be the new fad on blogsville according to someone. No this is not me jumping on the bandwagon, the people that know me, know that i've been talking about doing this for a while now. Burramint and i are doing this together. People love it, i look really different and i've been getting loads of compliments. But i can't wait for my hair to grow out. Yayyyy to healthy hair from now on.

Its the little things

Its the little things like calling me 'baby' 5 minutes after meeting me that puts me off you.
Its the little things like dressing like Soulja boy at age 25 that makes me know that you don't stand a chance even if hell freezes over.
Its the little things like talking on the phone, using your blackberry or playing video games when we are out to dinner that gives you an automatic zero.
Its the little things like treating your mum like crap that makes me cross you off the list immediately.
Its the little things like staring at my chest instead of my face that turns me off you.
Its the little things like having Bushy eyebrows/moustache/beards that are a No-No for me.
Its the little things like asking me 'whats up' twenty times in a conversation that does it for me.
Its the little things like not knowing how to use a fork and knife properly that gets on my nerves.
Its the little things like using crude words in a conversation that automatically disqualifies you.

Little things like this might not be a big deal for any other person, but for me it is.
My friend once said to me that i fret over little things, the tiniest things set me off, i don't care if you work in J.P Morgan, i don't care for the type of car you drive or the type of house you live in. I don't care that you travel round the world in your private jet, frankly speaking i don't give a rat's ass.
PS: This post was spurred by some guy i met yesterday, he called me 'baby' and that killed it for me.